.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
