But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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