Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
