i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
