dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
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That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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