It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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