I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize