No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
