Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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