So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my being single is dangerous.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize