Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
3 2 1 whiskey
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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