You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
