fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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