ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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