i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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