dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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