Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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