Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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