i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
