I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
