I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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