your thong is hanging out like whoa
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My pussy is not your playground.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
