You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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