she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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