I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
