yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
