While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
