kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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