So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
