My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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