I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
