i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
