dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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