One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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