I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
