you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
