I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
