she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
