hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
