420 ftw
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
