I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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