the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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