just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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