I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
