I'm so fucking centered right now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
