you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
