so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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