Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
