I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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