Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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