You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
