i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
