I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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