The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We got so high we made milksteak
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
