Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize