I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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