no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
